everything is hitting me so much harder right now. oh well. i know itll pass. but i almost dont want it to. im actually thinking i should feel like this all the time. it makes me think about my problems and makes me want to do something about them. its so warm in here.who actually reads this anyways? im listening to stars. i love them. my train of thought never lasts more than five seconds.
this has been such a weird post already. do i want to continue? how can i change moods so quickly? i went to lunch today and dylan's napkins got caught by the wind. i laughed as he picked them up and said "that was so american beauty". some random guy was reading and looked up at me and im sure he caught my reference. am i turning into an indie bitch? am i already one?
its a nuclear show and the stars are gone. elevator, elevator, take me home. my office glows all night long. its a nuclear show and the stars are gone... elevator, elevator, take me hoooooooome.
don't go. say youll stay. spend a lazy sunday. in my arms, i wont take anything away. i want someone to say that to me. i want someone to never leave. but promises always get broken and people always get hurt. no matter how much a person can say they are over things, there will always be little things that pop in during the day and make you think of the past. im ok. im not o-fucking-k. but i am. i want to be. i can handle almost anything thrown my way. people say its amazing how well i handle predicaments. and yet they hit me the hardest when im already down. i dont want to think about these things.
i spend the night with people i know i wont ever be able to trust, no matter where it goes. amazing how such small events in the grand scheme of things can affect so much afterwards. i want to love. i want to trust. i want to live up to my title of incurable romantic. i can still see the happy ending in every fairy tale story. i can still see happiness in kisses on my fingers and packs of cigarettes and hummingbirds. so why, if i can find happiness in the small things, can i not find happiness in the grand scheme of things? it all seems so trivial. and yet i cant bring myself to make the same mistakes and fall so deeply.
i dont even know if ill understand this post in a few days. ill go back to that carefree girl constantly there just to make people laugh. i know i have real friends, but i feel like i dont sometimes. im such an attention whore and i wish i could just be satisfied as a wallflower. i feel one of those changes coming on. the type that make people think its all been a facade. im not a facade. i never have been. just merely evolutionary.
i like the white on my computer screen. its surrounded by black and in some silly, proposterous way, it reminds me of life. in so many ways. theres a dream surrounded by a future thats so undecided and the dream itself is miniscule and on the verge of being swallowed up. one could push a button and it would be gone. of course, everything on this screen will still be there, willing to come to light again, but someone has to turn it on. who will turn my dreams back on?
thats as good a note to stop on as any. im sorry if ive been so depressing. ill get over it. nothing will change and few will notice anything was ever different. i need to break up this self-pity party, so goodnight. adieu, loves. there is charm and incruable romanticism yet.
(i wrote THAT one sentence about three days ago. today is actually the 20 of July at 9:30pm. But since that statement is so overwhelming, theres not much else to say. i'll be leaving on the 26th and returning on the 9th of august. adieu.)
So I haven't updated this in forever. I'll make this snappy.
1] I finished my first year of college with a 3.2. Not bad, eh? 2] I am single as a mofocka! But I'm enjoying it to the max. 3] I'm going out of town on Tuesday and I wont be back til August.
this week, i will be touring boone, asheville, cullowhee, and greenville, NC. then it will be onto girl scout camp (:x) near wilmington. Write to me there or call me so i can come visit! R Corbin 3000 Boiling Springs Road SE Winnabow, NC 28479 3366719422.
for july, i will be residing at another girl scout camp (:x) near the Pamlico. Feel free to bother me with phone calls... and more mail. R Corbin 752 Camp Hardee Road Blounts Creek, NC 27814 3366719422 (again.)
so yeh. bitch, talk, compliment, cry, scream, converse, etc. just do it! [/nike commercial]
i think that's all the important shit.
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music:The New Pornographers - All For Spinning You Around
arcade fire is playing in my head. over and over and over again. thank you, first little dog in space. and thank you, sarah, for being the best violinist i have ever seen. the fact that you're hot has nothing to do with it. really.
oh. if anyone likes The Great Slide, I won tickets to Orange Peel in Asheville and can't go cause I'm seeing Alli in Boone. Take them off my hands so I don't feel guilty.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music:The Rocket Summer - Movie Stars and Supermodels